Unforgivable Sinner
by KeepBreathingDarling
Summary: "Just endure. What damage can possibly be done in a few months? Just endure and you can leave and be done with this." The regrets Sirius has are building up and after his biggest, the road to forgiveness is tougher than ever. This time he has his own to earn as well. Warnings in A/N.


**A/N: Here we go. First colab fic we're doing. It's short. We know. We hope the next chapters will be longer.**

**Title is from Lene Marlin's song with the same name. All chapter titles will be from City and Colour songs.**

**This is a fic containing slash and if you have a problem with that you should press backspace now rather than later. We apologise in advance for any and all spelling and grammatical errors. We're still learning.**

**Fic warnings: abuse, depression, drug use**

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"You filthy blood-traitor. How dare you get into not one, but five fights with Regulus' friends? You're putting the family's name to shame," she shrieked, and lunged forward, the back of her hand connecting with the skin of Sirius' cheek. The sound echoed in the large living room. Sirius head turned sharply to the side, the skin already reddening, leaving the print of a hand etched into his cheek. He hissed at the pain, turning back to gaze at his mother.

"It wasn't me who started it, it was–"

"I don't care, Sirius," she interrupted. "You are a Black and you will not disgrace the family name."

Sirius sighed. Just how many times a day does he have to listen to his parents ramble about stupid honour? More than was countable, that he was sure of.

"Do you understand?" Walburga hissed, glaring furiously at her son.

"Uh-huh."

Another slap and a intake of breath echoed in the room, followed by an angry voice.

"Don't 'uh-huh' me, you ungrateful, pathetic excuse for a first-born."

"Yes, I do understand, dear Mother," he said, barely managing to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. She nodded sharply.

"Go, don't leave your room unless asked to," she stalked past him, but not without bumping into Sirius, making him lose his balance and crash into the cabinet behind him. He clenched his teeth in pain. Walburga turned around, the faint trace of a smile playing on her lips as she looked from him to Regulus.

"Regulus, come help me. You," she said and jerked her head in his direction again. "get to your room," she said and turned towards the kitchen. Sirius winced at the pain in his side as he moved and brought a hand to skim over the skin there. He could tell it was going to bruise quickly. He left the room, flinging the living room door shut and making it quiver in its frame.

The wood of the steps in the old stairs seemed to be making more noise than usual as he trudged up them. The sound of the door slamming shut still ringed in his ears and he shut his own bedroom door just as hard, in a not-that-rare moment of immaturity.

He picked up his hand-held mirror and the last pack of cigarettes and went to sit on the windowsill, one leg casually dangling out as he lit the first one and waited for James to answer. He closed his eyes and breathed the smoke out slowly.

"Hey, Padfoot," sounded a chipper voice. _Finally._

"Hey, Prongs," he replied, a smile finally creeping up on his face. "how's Hogwarts?"

"'S boring without you here. Remus refuses to stop studying long enough for me to have some fun and without you and Peter here, it's just hell. Something about exams coming up, but I don't understand why _he_ insists on spending all his free time reading about goblin wars, one would think he knew it all by now. Please try talking some sense into the bloody bore. I beg you."

"Believe me, I've tried every method there is," Sirius said, feeling the grin growing. "No success so far. Anyway, it's just one more day. You'll live."

"S'pose so," James sighed and then cocked his head. "Where'd that red mark come from? Got into a fight with your beloved house elves again–"

"That was one time and the damn thing had a _frying pan_."

"Did you get attacked by another stray cat out on your walk again?"

"Pretty accurate," Sirius attempted to joke but then dropped his gaze to the fingers rolling the cigarette carefully. "Mother Dear was a bit upset with me."

James sighed again.

"You okay, mate?"

"Yeah. Always am."

James' answer was interrupted by a single, sharp knock on the door. He lowered the mirror.

"What?" he yelled. The door opened slightly, just enough to show the silhouette of a face.

"Mother says supper's ready," said Regulus.

"Tell her to fuck off," Sirius replied, and brought the cigarette to his mouth again. The door closed with a tiny _snap_, and he lifted the mirror again.

"Sorry, Prongs. Yet another lovely family gathering is calling."

"Enjoy," James said with a grin and did a mock salute before the mirror went back to showing just his own reflection. Sirius put it down and leant further out of the window to feel the chilly London spring wind, letting it cool down the still stinging red mark a bit. He had just lit his second cigarette when the door opened again.

"Sirius…"

"I'm not coming down right now, Regulus," he said quietly, eyes never leaving the cloudy sky.

"She's going to be mad," Regulus said, as if some kind of warning was necessary.

"She's always mad," Sirius snapped.

"Maybe if you _tried_ not to disobey her all the time you would–"

"I really don't give a shit, Reggie. Now run back to Mummy and eat your lovely food with your lovely family."

A few second of silence, then the door shut closed, with more force this time.

The peace only lasted for about two minutes. The sound of his mother's footsteps had him scrambling to put out the cigarette and get down from the window. The door flew open and hit the wall with a slam just as his feet hit the floor.

"Sirius, I swear to Merlin, if you do not get your ungrateful self down to the dining room _now,_ your legs will cease to function for long enough for you to miss the train back, just you wai–"

"Alright," Sirius said loudly. "alright, I'm coming."

"Now," Walburga said sternly, pointing her wand at him with one hand and pointing out the door with the other. Sirius walked out the door quickly, glancing over his shoulder to see his mother following him. This only made him walk faster, uncomfortably aware of the wand still pointed at him.

When he finally reached the dining room he flung himself down into the chair farthest away from everyone else.

"Good evening, Sirius," his father said coldly.

"Father," Sirius managed to get out, acknowledging his presence before he dropped his gaze back to his feet, scowling at the ground.

_Just last until the end of summer._

_Just that and you can leave._

_Just a few months._

_What damage can possibly be done in a few months?_

_You can do this._

_Just…_

_Endure._

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